Final Edited Script – Never Produced

Friar Tuck – Water BalloOn Fight

© 2011 Shields Bialasik – EDITED FINAL VERSION

Snake In the Shed

It was the end of summer and Friar Tuck and Ralph were cleaning out their garden shed when they came across an old garden hose. At first, Friar Tuck thought it was a giant snake, so of course he screamed loudly, terrifying Ralph and nearly falling backwards into the parked wheel barrow.

Earlier in the day, Ralph had placed the garden hose into the corner and wound it up in the position of a snake. He was expecting Friar Tuck would find it as he cleaned through the shed. It was intended to be a joke, but Friar Tuck screamed much louder than Ralph had expected.

You see, snakes are on Friar Tuck’s top ten list of fears and it was as a small child that he was nearly eaten by Merlin’s snake Brutis. Even to this day, Friar Tuck stays alert to avoid any encounter with snakes, especially Brutis, but we will talk more about this in another story.

It took a second for Friar Tuck to catch his breath after discovering the water hose and had Ralph not let out a chuckle of laughter, Friar Tuck would have never suspected that he had fallen into a trap.

“Gotcha,” Ralph said, now letting out a good laugh.
But Friar Tuck was not laughing; instead, he had picked up the garden hose and was now waving it around in the air wildly. He looked like a cowboy about to lasso a steer, only there was no steer in sight… only Ralph.

With one swift twist of the wrist, he released the hose and let it fly through the air toward Ralph.
“Who’s laughing now?” Friar Tuck boasted, but Ralph was not laughing anymore.

Ralph had been firmly lassoed by the hose and was now bound to the shovel he had been holding.
It was then with one swift tug on the hose that Friar Tuck sent Ralph in a wild spin… out of the shed… and out into the garden. He spun like a top, clear across the carrots, broccoli, and spinach, making his final crash landing in the green goo of the crusty bird bath water.

“Take that!” said Friar Tuck, feeling that he had now given Ralph an appropriate payback for his little prank.
Ralph arose from the bird bath with a sideways smile. He had a yellow water lily on his head and spit a stream of green liquid out of his mouth.

“Ummm,” he said… “that was quite an exciting ride!”
Ralph and Friar Tuck were always playing jokes on each other and this was no different. Then, suddenly, Ralph had an idea.

“Hey, Friar Tuck, you know all those balloons you have in your bedroom? Let’s use this hose to fill them up. Then we can have a BIG water balloon fight.” Ralph didn’t need to say this twice before Friar Tuck had run out of the shed, dragging the hose behind him.

Now the one thing I forgot to tell you was this was indeed a very long and old garden hose, and that even though Friar Tuck had pulled half of the hose out of the shed the other half still remained inside, tangled amongst the tools and garden supplies. The more Friar Tuck pulled on the hose, the louder the crashing became in the shed. Eventually, with one final tug, he pulled the old garden hose free, but the shed was a wreck. Yet the summer shed cleaning project would need to wait until another day, now it was time to fill water balloons.

The Old Spicket

Ralph had not heard the crashing and clanging in the shed or he would have instructed Friar Tuck to remove the hose more carefully. Instead, he was upstairs rummaging through Friar Tuck’s dresser drawer, creating another mess. He was trying to find the leftover bag of water balloons. These water balloons were from Friar Tuck’s birthday party, which you might have remembered me telling you about in another story.

“Found them,” he yelled out, now holding them above his head like a giant trophy. It had taken him all but three minutes to find the water balloons, but the mess he created would take nearly three hours to clean up.

I guess that you could say Friar Tuck and Ralph weren’t always the best when it came to cleaning or organizing… but they sure knew how to have fun!

Down below, Friar Tuck had pulled the garden hose over to the wall and he began looking for the water spicket. It was hidden nicely behind the trumpet vine and was fashioned out of a small nozzle and rounded wooden handle. Friar Tuck didn’t remember seeing this spicket before, but was in too much of a rush to realize that indeed this was not the water spicket he had intended to hood the hose up to.

By the time Ralph had run downstairs, Friar Tuck had the hose attached to the spicket. He had screwed it on to the nozzle and was now preparing to fill his first water balloon.

“Wait!” yelled Ralph… “Not Yet.”
“Which balloon should we fill first?”

Friar Tuck hadn’t thought about this and turned to look through the bag of remaining water balloons.
“THIS ONE,” he said… pulling out a giant, over-sized balloon.

A balloon which once filled would be the size of either a basket ball or soccer ball. Friar Tuck had put this balloon aside especially for such an event, and it was great that Ralph had remembered to ask which balloon would be best to fill first.

Ralph now ran across the yard, balloon in hand. He would be attaching this to the end of the garden hose and preparing to fill all the balloons, one by one until they were done.

Now, what Friar Tuck didn’t know was that this unusual spicket, for whatever special purpose it served, had not been turned on in a very long time. It probably had not been turned on in years, maybe not even since the house had been built, and this would become a problem. A problem because rusty old spickets are not very strong and sometimes, once turned on, they are awfully difficult to turn off.

Friar Tuck had no idea what was about to happen. When he opened up that water spicket, it started to make some very unusual noise. It might have sounded like a cricket at first, but then quickly turned into the sound of something much worse, perhaps a mix between a howling cat and a gurgling fish. Friar Tuck didn’t concern himself though, he was ready to fill water balloons.

Creakk… Crackle… Gurgle… Blub…

Ralph had now pulled the water balloon end of the hose over to Friar Tuck with the first giant white balloon attached. The noise continued and suddenly the balloon began to fill.

Friar Tuck and Ralph jumped in the air, hugging one another, happy that soon they would be enjoying a water balloon fight.
Ralph took hold of the balloon, while Friar Tuck held the hose. The liquid was pouring in slowly; but, up until this point, neither of the two could really see any of the liquid inside.

“Speed it up,” Ralph said, feeling impatient with the process.
Friar Tuck agreed, reaching over to the spicket and turning it hard to the right, then turning his attention back to the balloon.

It was now indeed filling faster and, as the balloon began to stretch, the white membrane became more transparent.

Friar Tuck and Ralph stood together looking into the balloon as it began to take shape and grow. At first glance, everything appeared to be normal, but then suddenly something very odd became apparent.

“Pink water,” Ralph exclaimed… “What in the world is this?”
It was indeed true. The balloon was now filling in fact with a very unusual pink and silver liquid.

“I’m not sure,” Friar Tuck said, “but we better cut off the water!”
He turned, reaching for the spicket. The handle was now tightly jammed to the right from Friar Tuck’s previous twist in which he had opened the spicket.

And without thinking which direction he would turn the handle (ideally to the left to close it), Friar Tuck gave it a strong twist to the right again; and that, my friends, is when the real trouble began!

The handle broke off and fell to the ground.

Ooops…Full Power

“Ooops,” Friar Tuck said… but this would do nothing to prevent what was about to happen.

You see, up until now the hidden and unusual garden spicket had really only been half open and when Friar Tuck had done his second to the right he had actually opened the valve to ‘FULL POWER’.

The small wooden handle lay in the grass next to Ralph’s foot, but the water balloon was now filling so fast he hardly had time to notice.

“Oh goodness,” Ralph screamed… “The water balloon is going to burst!”
Help… Help… Quick… QUICK!… Friar Tuck, get me another water balloon.”

Friar Tuck quickly ran over with another balloon, while Ralph attempted to tie the first balloon shut.

“Oh goodness, goodness,” Ralph yelled as Friar Tuck reached forward to attach the second balloon to the old hose. In the process, pink and silver slime spurted out.

“Eww… What in the world?” Friar Tuck said.
“Now quickly, quickly, tie it! Tie it, tie it!”

The second balloon filled even faster than the first, and now Friar Tuck and Ralph were in a race to keep the balloons from exploding with the pink slime. The clawfoot bathtub Friar Tuck and Ralph had been using to hold the water balloons was now quickly filling.

Two more minutes went by as in a crazed race of time. Would the pink slime stop flowing out of the pipe or would Friar Tuck and Ralph run out of water balloons? They were now reaching the bottom of the bag and the tub had been filled with over 200 pink slime balloons. The slime was definitely not stopping and, whatever this weird liquid was, it didn’t smell very good either.

Ralph was now starting to get very worried… “Quick, Friar Tuck, we need to stop the slime…!”
Suddenly, Friar Tuck had a crazed look come across his face, the look between inspiration and desperation. The type of look you might see when someone is about to do SOMETHING, but you don’t know what.

Whether that ‘something’ was a good idea or not… no one will ever know… but what Friar Tuck did next was executed in one swift motion.

“Watch this,” he yelled, and with that he took his finger and stuck it straight into the garden hose.
He pushed it in firmly, immediately clogging the hose and stopping the slime.

I’m not sure whether Ralph was relieved or disgusted, but whatever the emotion was it was short lived.
With Friar Tuck’s finger now firmly stuck in the pipe… the hose began to swell. I did mention that this was an OLD garden hose, didn’t I?

Well, yes… and it was swelling quickly…

Ralph screamed… The garden hose now looked like a real snake come to life, with its head growing bigger and bigger by the second.

“Run, Friar Tuck!… Run!,” but it was too late!
Friar Tuck’s finger was now stuck, swollen inside the hose.

“Help…Help… It’s going to eat me,” Friar Tuck yelled.
It was a sad moment for Friar Tuck.

Save Yourself

Ralph was determined to save Friar Tuck and had now grabbed him by his free arm. He was pulling furiously to set him free, but it was no use.

Friar Tuck was stuck, and he knew it.
“Run,” he yelled to Ralph. “Save yourself, before it’s too late!”

The hose had now swollen to capacity, looking like a giant cobra with a brown and green striped head. The mouth of the snake now firmly held Friar Tuck’s finger in its tight jaws. And just when you thought that the worst of the situation had occurred, something spectacular and unexpected happened.

The hose exploded.

Friar Tuck flew high into the air. He was now wearing the silver end of the garden hose tightly around his index finger. It was just like a wedding ring, only not as pretty.

Up into the air he flew, perhaps fifteen feet or higher, before he came down with a quick thump. A rather lucky thump I might add, as he had landed squarely on top of the bathtub full of water balloons.

“Whew,” he said, letting out a cry of relief; it was short lived however.
“Don’t move, Friar Tuck, don’t move!” It was Ralph yelling from across the yard.

“Any movement you make could pop the balloons,” and it was true.
Just one unusual move could pop the lot.

Anyone who plays with water balloons should rightfully know this.

Friar Tuck was now laying frightfully still, spread across the 200 water balloons, and that is when the situation quickly worsened. You see, Friar Tuck can never hold still for long, and he had just wiggled one inch to the left and one inch to the right when his weight on the water balloons had entirely shifted.

It was just enough to set off a chain reaction of slime balloon explosions.
Boom… boom… boom… boom.

The balloons exploded everywhere, covering Friar Tuck in a thick and disgusting slimly goo, which he would never forget.

“Oh Ralph, help… This smells so disgusting!”
But it was too late and Ralph had now run far, far away… AND WAS NOT COMING BACK TO HELP FRIAR TUCK!

“What is this terrible stuff?… slime, goo, crud… yuck.”

Neither Friar Tuck nor Ralph ever figured out where the stuff actually did come from, but one thing was for sure. It certainly smelled terrible. Eventually, the slime stopped coming out of the spicket, leaving a giant pink puddle in the middle of the yard.

Friar Tuck had to scrub himself for several hours just to remove all the slime, let alone the stink which stuck with him for another week.

Ralph, however, had kept his distance the entire time. He had saved himself… and was now making silly faces from across the garden and holding his nose, all the while teasing Friar Tuck. He had lucked out from getting slimed, or so he had thought.

Finally, after all the showering, soaping, and scrubbing, Friar Tuck was clean. Ralph, on the other hand, was now on the back patio sleeping. He had absolutely avoided all work regarding the cleanup of the giant mess.

Of course, you will remember Friar Tuck had popped all the water balloons; that is, except for one.


“Surprise,” Friar Tuck yelled, dropping the giant white slime filled balloon directly on top of sleeping Ralph.
PLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!… the balloon exploded directly on top of him.

Ralph was now entirely covered from head to toe in a pool full of the most disgusting and revolting pink slimy goo you have ever seen. 

…And as for Friar Tuck and his new wedding ring, let’s just say he wore it for many years before it finally popped off while he was washing the dishes one night.

Happy Water Ballooning!!

Actual Script