Final Production Script:

Friar Tuck – Fat King Max

© 2011 Shields Bialasik – EDITED FINAL VERSION

Friar Tuck and Ralph were walking down the street, when Friar Tuck noticed something crawling in the grass. He couldn’t tell from a distance, but all of a sudden he realized what it was.

“Ralph,” he cried. “LOOK AT THAT… It’s a giant worm!”
Ralph turned his head to look and immediately responded, “Eww, yuck… DON’T TOUCH IT!”

But it was too late, Friar Tuck had already run over and was bending down to pick it up.
“What are you doing here, little guy?” he said talking to it.

“Ralph, come check out this worm… it’s really interesting.”
Ralph walked over slowly and then bent down.

“That’s not a worm, Friar Tuck, that’s a CATERPILLAR!”
“That’s what I meant,” said Friar Tuck, now trying to act as if he knew what he was saying all along.

Friar Tuck reached forward and began petting the little caterpillar. This, however, surprised the caterpillar and suddenly it began wriggling wildly on the ground. Then it held still, absolutely still.

“What’s he doing?… What happened?” asked Friar Tuck.
“He’s playing possum. He wants you to leave him alone,” Ralph said. “…Let’s keep walking, he’ll be fine.”

“We can’t just leave him here, …he’s too close to the road,” responded Friar Tuck.
Then, as if having a deep thought, Friar Tuck held very still and scratched his head.

“Hey, why don’t we take him home with us, put him in our garden? Then we can see what it turns into.”
Ralph thought for a second and replied, “That sounds like a great idea, Friar Tuck. Who’s going to carry him?”

“I will,” said Friar Tuck, quickly scooping up the caterpillar and putting it on his shoulders.

As Friar Tuck and Ralph continued walking, the little caterpillar came back to life.
It was as if he was suddenly very excited about the idea of going to Friar Tuck and Ralph’s garden.

As they were walking, the little caterpillar started inching across Friar Tuck’s back and up towards his neck and head. “Hey, he likes me,” Friar Tuck said smiling.

The little caterpillar actually wasn’t all that little when it came down to it. Sure, he was small compared to Friar Tuck and Ralph, but he actually was really quite fat for a caterpillar. In fact, he already had more than 12 fat rolls, which for a caterpillar of any type is quite large.

This caterpillar was in fact quite unique, colored, completely black and with spots of red. He had spiky little hairs and lots of little feet. His eyes were round and bright green. The most notable feature, however, was that he had a small little crown on his head. It was made of black and red spikes.

Friar Tuck and Ralph continued walking, and as they began to approach their house they could see their friend Andy sitting and waiting on the front door step. He had been waiting for quite some time and quickly jumped up when he saw Friar Tuck and Ralph. He ran over excitedly and then suddenly stopped.

“Friar Tuck… Look out!” he  screamed. “You’ve got something on your head!”

Friar Tuck laughed, “Ha…ha, Andy, this is our new pet caterpillar!”
“Pet caterpillar?” Andy responded.

“What’s his name?”
YES… King Max! That’s his name.” But this wasn’t Friar Tuck talking.
This was Ralph and he now seemed a bit shocked that he had suddenly spoken, but it was too late!

Friar Tuck had already agreed.
“That’s right, his name is KING MAX!”

“King Max is on the way to his new garden and soon he will turn into a beautiful butterfly!”
Friar Tuck and Ralph then proceeded to walk towards the side of the house where they took King Max out and into the garden.

“Let’s find him the biggest and best flower,” said Friar Tuck.
“Over here,” Ralph yelled. “This can be his castle!”

Friar Tuck agreed. It was indeed a lovely spot. A giant yellow and orange tiger-striped sunflower.
“This will be a great place for him to live, and soon he will turn into a beautiful butterfly.”

Ralph suddenly had a look of concern on his face, “Um… Friar Tuck, don’t caterpillars like to eat flowers?”
“Yes,” said Friar Tuck, “but look at how fat he is. I don’t think he could eat any more even if he tried.”

“Are you sure?” asked Ralph, “…because that’s my favorite flower.”
“ABSOLUTELY!” said Friar Tuck. “We’ll put him right here, and when we come out in the morning we will find a beautiful butterfly.”

Friar Tuck and Ralph went inside, had dinner, and went to sleep. That night they slept soundly. Friar Tuck dreamed about beautiful butterflies, while Ralph dreamed about scuba diving and his last tennis match with Friar Tuck; the match in which he had accidentally hit the ball over the wall and into the baseball field!

Sunrise came early, and Ralph was the first to wake and climb out of bed. In normal fashion, he began his exercise routine. First the stretching, followed by the sharpening of his teeth and claws on the side board of the bunk bed.

…And that is when he noticed!

Ralph was facing the window in chewing position, working his upper canines, when he peered out into the garden.  He always enjoyed this moment in his chewing routine the most because this was when he would see his beautiful flowers welcoming the morning sun. This he had been expecting, but instead he saw no sunflowers.
What he saw was King Max chewing on a mound of broccoli.

King Max had eaten all the sunflowers and now had added another fat roll to his already very fat caterpillar body.

“NO… NO… NO…” Ralph screamed… running down the stairs, and out towards the garden.
Friar Tuck quickly jumped out of bed, his deep sleep now interrupted.

“What’s happening?” he yelled. “Ralph, what’s wrong?”
“BEAST, VARMINT, SNAKE……………..WORM!” Ralph was yelling loudly.

“Ralph, what’s wrong,” Friar Tuck yelled leaning out of the window, and that’s when he saw it.
The damage was immense. All the sunflowers had been reduced to stocks. The marigolds, nasturtiums, and calendulas shredded. King Max had eaten everything, including the broccoli, the celery, and now he was working on the peas.

Suddenly, Friar Tuck screamed!
He has devoured my prized heirloom rose!”

Friar Tuck and Ralph stood in shock in the middle of their once beautiful garden, now a fine patchwork of caterpillar munchings.

Not a single plant had gone untouched by King Max, or shall we say FAT KING MAX!

Ralph was in shock, now holding his hands to his head.

“I have no idea, Ralph, but I am going to find out!”
Friar Tuck quickly ran inside to look in his book of garden pests. It was in the living room, located next to the kitchen. Friar Tuck entered the living room and headed over to the book shelf. 

There it was, on the top shelf. “WORLD’S MOST ANNOYING GUIDE OF GARDEN PESTS – North Hemisphere Edition.” Friar Tuck quickly started flipping through the pages.

“Nope, that’s not it… Nope… Nope… not it… Orange with red spots…
Green with white spots…
Pink with blue spots…
Nope… not it…
Black with white spots… Black with red spots… Ah ha… that’s it!

Black with red spots, here it is. ‘Diz Az to rus Lil Pigus
otherwise known as a Fat Little Disaster.” Suddenly Friar Tuck stopped reading…

“Uh-oh!” said Friar Tuck. “This doesn’t sound good at all.
‘A very destructive and elusive breed of caterpillar, known to eat mass quantities of food and then turn into a very, very ugly moth.’”

“UGLY MOTH…” Friar Tuck suddenly spoke out loud!
“WHAT ON EARTH! – King Max was supposed to be a BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY!”

Friar Tuck was not happy with his discovery. He quickly dropped the book and ran back outside to tell Ralph what he had read.

When Friar Tuck made it back out to the garden, Ralph was on his hands and knees crawling around.
“Um… we have a little problem,” Ralph spoke out from under a squash plant.

I can’t find him anywhere!”

Friar Tuck froze in his tracks… “Um, Ralph… I hope you are joking cause I think we might even have a bigger problem on our hands than we think.”

“You see, KING MAX is a ‘Diz Az to rus Lil Pigus’…”

“A what?” said Ralph.
“Yes,” replied Friar Tuck… “Diz Az to rus Lil Pigus… or a Fat Little Disaster. One of the world’s most destructive and elusive garden eating moths around. Besides that… he’s super ugly!”

I knew this was a bad idea,” said Ralph.

“And now King Max… FAT KING MAX is hiding in our garden!
What on earth are we going to do, Friar Tuck?”

Friar Tuck held very still… just like he had before and then scratched his head… “Wait one moment…”

He quickly began running towards the side of the house.
“WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” yelled Ralph.
“I’ll be back in a minute, don’t move. I have an idea!”

On the side of the house, Friar Tuck found and opened the box which controlled the sprinkler system for the garden. Very quickly, he began pushing in the code to turn on channel three, the back garden!

Beep… Beep… Beep…
“I hope Fat King Max likes his shower,” Friar Tuck said. The sprinkler system suddenly turned on…
But, it wasn’t Fat King Max who didn’t like his shower. It was Ralph who was now screaming from the garden as the cold water was showering down on him.

But it was too late; by the time he had crawled out from the garden, he was entirely soaked.
He was dripping  wet from head to toe, not a dry spot remained and… King Max?

Well, FAT KING MAX was nowhere in sight!

“This does not look good,” said Friar Tuck, now shaking his head in disbelief.
“NOPE,” came Ralph’s reply… “NOT GOOD AT ALL!”

Needless to say, it took Friar Tuck and Ralph four days and the loss of even more plants before they finally caught up with Fat King Max. He was working on the Russian kale when he was finally trapped. Too fat and too slow to continue hiding, he surrendered to Friar Tuck and Ralph only to be very quickly moved to his new location, far… far… far… away!

Actual Script:


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