Friar Tuck – Don’t eat the Toothpaste

© 2011 Shields Bialasik – Final Edited Version

Now I am sure you must be wondering how all of this nonsense began, how a hamster named Friar Tuck and a rat named Ralph began to go on all sorts of wild adventures. Well, if you listen very close, I will begin to share with you the stories I myself was told.

You see, it was some time ago, when I was a young boy, that my brother and I were wrestling in my bedroom. He had just pinned me to the floor and was attempting to bend me into a pretzel. (SFX) My head was firmly pressed against the carpet, my arms and legs bending upwards. It was at this moment that I noticed something quite unusual – a tube of empty toothpaste under my bed.

Directly next to it was a small hole which had been cut into my wall. The hole was round in shape, with rough edges as if it had been chewed. My brother had told me it was the hole of a snake and this had me worried. The last thing I wanted was to have a snake climb into my bed when I was sleeping!

The toothpaste was the real mystery though, because over the last week five tubes had been gone missing, each time needing to be replaced with a new one. Nobody knew what was happening, only that next time it needed to be replaced my brother and I would be paying for it OURSELVES!

The tube lay sideways on the floor. The end having been neatly removed and the entire contents licked clean.
That’s a lot of toothpaste for someone to be eating!

I wasn’t exactly sure who or what had made that hole. I worried it might have been a snake; but I soon discovered that this hole belonged to a furry little hamster, named… FRIAR TUCK!

The most amazing thing about this hamster, Friar Tuck, was that he could talk.
YES… night after night, he began to tell me stories about his life and adventures with his best friend, Ralph the Rat.

At first I didn’t believe what he had to share, but the more he told me, the more I realized that he simply couldn’t be making this up.

After all, he was a magic hamster. Still to this day many might doubt what I have to say. But if you give it a chance, I think you will also discover the real truth behind the matter.

Let’s go ahead and start from the beginning, the day I discovered the hole and the empty toothpaste tube under my bed!

The rest of the day had been uneasy for me. I was thinking about the snake who might live in the hole. Therefore, I went ahead and moved several of my largest books down from the bookshelf. I then slid these under my bed so that I could block this hole.

This should have solved the problem, or so I had thought!

I went ahead and brushed my teeth, changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed. I wanted to make sure the toothpaste would be safe tonight so I tucked it under my pillow for safe keeping.

It was just that time of night when the sun had set and stillness had entered the air. I was drifting off to sleep when I heard a sudden and abrupt noise.

It sounded like someone knocking at my door. I immediately sat up. I was on the top bunk. Who could be knocking at this late hour? My parents were asleep downstairs and my brother in the other room.

I quickly and quietly climbed down the ladder, then proceeded to tiptoe over to the door. I was making sure to be quiet. (SFX – Creaking Floors)

I leaned forward, opening the door, but no one was there. The hallway was empty. I quickly turned towards the window because the knocking was persisting. Over to the window I headed. Of course it was dark and I had to push my face up against the glass to peer out.

No one was there!

I was just about to climb back up into the bunk when I heard the knocking again, only this time I knew exactly where it was coming from. 

It was coming from – UNDER MY BED!

I suddenly froze absolutely still.
The knocking was not stopping… it was getting louder.

Was it the snake?

The knocking had a very distinctive rhythm to it. I was quite sure no snake that I knew of would be able to make such a knock.

The knock sounded like this:

Dant Dant Dan Dan Dan Dant Dant –

I did however take the necessary time to get my flashlight and then went underneath my bed. I then turned on the light, laying it on the floor and pointing in the direction of the hole. The beam cut through the darkness.

The knocking was now becoming louder and… rather insistent.

Dant Dant Dan Dan Dan Dant Dant

I reached my hand forward and then slid the books to the side quietly and quickly.

I wanted to surprise whomever or whatever it was on the other side. What if it was my brother, having cut a tunnel into my bedroom from his own room? I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect, but what happened next, I never could have imagined.

There, in front of me, stood a rather large, fat and furry hamster.
He was golden brown with spots of white and tan, … he was still knocking in the air when I pulled the books away.

I knew we had mice in our house at times during the spring. You could often hear them in the walls, but this was not what I expected. I stared silently, looking at the furry little creature under my bed, and then our eyes met.

It was a moment of unexplained consequences. The small hamster stepped forward and then in a clear and cheerful voice – spoke to me!

“Hi – my name’s Friar Tuck. How do you do?”

He stared directly into my eyes while he was talking. I was immediately surprised, and jumped backwards hitting my head on the bottom of the bed.

“I’m here to be your new pet.”

“My new pet?”

“Yes, haven’t you been expecting me?
You just told your parents the other day that you wanted to have a pet hamster.
They said yes – So here I am!”

“Well, umm… umm… I guess I just wasn’t expecting you to come to me…
Hey, wait a minute… am I really talking to a hamster?”

The unusual circumstance had just struck me.
Was I really lying there on the floor having a conversation with a hamster?

As if reading my mind, Friar Tuck simply responded,

“Yes, that’s right… I’m Friar Tuck. I’m a magic hamster; and yes, we ARE having a conversation.
So go ahead, please continue…”

I worked to regain my voice and then continued on.

“Well… umm…, I was just surprised that when I wished for a hamster…, and now you’re here….”

“That’s right, my friend… things work that way!
So let’s get down to business.

We will be spending quite a bit of time together and I wanted to make sure we have a good understanding around a few things.

To begin, I’m very low maintenance.

Don’t require much, and I am friendly and easy to get along with.

I have some small requests, however, which are good food, back rubs, clean newspaper, fresh water and of course… TOOTHPASTE!”

Yes, that’s right, he said TOOTHPASTE!

I come and go as I please…Got it?”

I simply nodded in acknowledgement.

“I’m much too old to be bending bars open at night!

Before I even had a chance to respond, Friar Tuck continued.

“Great. In exchange for your hospitality, I will provide you with free entertainment and a REAL EDUCATION!”

From this point on, we were inseparable. Friar Tuck lived in my backpack and traveled with me wherever I went!

Every spare moment we had together, Friar Tuck was sharing his stories with me, telling me all about his life and adventures around the world.

Many of the adventures involved Friar Tuck’s friend, Ralph. Though I never met him personally, I felt like I knew him well. Every now and then, Friar Tuck would go away for a few days only to return with new stories and more great adventures.

These stories have lived in my memories to this day and I am sure you won’t forget them either.

Shall we begin?